I've read one of my blog entries about being impulsive which I wrote last year October. It made me think about how much has been changed ever since. I've given in to the fact that I can do what I want and when I want without giving it much though. I should do more of what I want right at the moment itself. Living in here and now.

Yet I found some obstacles that are standing in my way. Blocking my way even.
My thoughts are driving me crazy because every single moment, every second of the day they shift from one thought to the other. I don't know if it's a fight between my head and my heart, or between my consciousness and subconsciousness.
I'm trying to protect myself by shutting every feeling off. And in this case, I can't do whatever I want because that can change on an hourly basis. And since there a second person involved, I can't keep doing that because it will also drive him crazy and not just that, I will also be answerable for my actions which wouldn't happen if there isn't another person involved.

I need to make my decision and be strong enough to stick with it. It's really bad to fall for someone just because he's nice for once and gives you a little attention when he can also tell you that he's tired of you when he's the one that contacted you.
Maybe it makes it easier for me if I share this with the rest of the world, thinking that I can't do otherwise because others will read this and this I'm a hypocrite if I do otherwise.

I wish I could block phone numbers on my mobile phone but I don't know how to do that!!
But okay, that's going to test how strong I am and I actually highly doubt he will contact me after these 2 crazy days.
I just wish.......... I wish so many things.
Here I go again with my thoughtshifts, I can't even control it.
All above all, maybe I should really distance myself. Like for real. I know I told myself that a million times, but it will work one day.

Live the moment. But be careful.